Is it something you’re born with or can you learn it?
I had the privilege of co-teaching a retreat this past week with some incredible women. As we sat at dinner, I was asked if I was born like this or if I had to learn it. And of course, I needed clarification. Born like what? She answered that I evade a sense of peace and calmness, a collectedness and state of connection every time she sees me. I think I laughed out loud in response. Then collected myself and said, ‘Thank you, that means a lot. And no, I wasn’t born like this.’ She further explained that she suffered from a lifetime of anxiety and was even on medication for it. Was it too late for her to learn how to find peace? The question hit me hard.
Everyone’s story is unique, special and powerful in their own ways. Some stories contain more twists, turns, and trauma than others. I have met many genuinely lovely souls who do seem as though they were born tranquil. Life has been fair, relatively calm, and brought them into a present state of gratitude and contentedness. Others of us could write multiple books on the experiences life has shown us that brought us to the exact moment we are in now. And where we are now may feel like a mess, anxiety ridden, stressful, and incomplete. Some of you may already be on a healing path and feel at peace, strong, and know that you are authentically living your best life.
I often say that I have lived many lives in my almost 40 years. And it would take far too many pages to share all my stories here. Maybe a book someday. For now I will summarize like this.
No, I wasn’t born levitating and chanting Om. I had a childhood that exposed to me to some of the most incredible experiences that leave me glowing when I talk about them, with two parents whom I love and respect immensely, who are very human and navigating their own journeys whilst doing their best at parenting. At the same time, it wasn’t easy. There are memories that took years of therapy to understand and work through. My parents divorced when I was young. I struggled with obsessive control issues, perfectionism, disordered eating and depressive thoughts as a teenager. I abused alcohol, had unhealthy relationships, and when I look back, I thank my lucky stars that I made it through some of the situations I put myself into. With the help of family and amazing friends, I somehow navigated some of the darkest moments of my life.
My dad had brought me to my first yoga class when I was 16. Through my teens and early twenties I continued to practice yoga but I don’t think I fully understood it or why I was going. I truly believe it was an unconscious anchor that gave me a glimmer of light in the shadows of my life. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties, though, that I found myself ready to make some major life changes.
At the young age of 25, I got divorced, quit my corporate job, became a nanny and decided to dig deeper into yoga through yoga teacher training. Over the next 7 years, I continued to walk my path of healing with all of its ups and downs, mistakes, and milestones along the way. I found my calling as a yoga teacher, became a licensed bodyworker and finally connected with who I really am. At 33, I made another big leap, moved my life to Panama, kept floundering a bit while I found my footing, and here I am today. I just celebrated my 39th birthday. I have an incredible husband whom I am grateful for every day, even though sometimes I have to remind myself. We have the most magical daughter who I can’t believe is already 3. We have successful businesses. And I am still humbly working as a sharer of yoga and as a bodyworker.
Okay, so hopefully that story wasn’t too long. I tell it not because I want you to talk about myself, rather so that we may remember to give our selves permission to be human. We have certain life experiences and circumstances that influence our path. Along the way, we also have choice. I chose and continue to choose daily, a life of healing. I choose presence over distraction. I choose to surround myself with people and places that help me align with my most authentic self. I have been on this path for a while now, and the more you make choices that align with you, the easier it becomes. Hard things still happen. I still make poor decisions from time to time. Past trauma still rears up and I need to dig deep into my healing toolbox. But I continually choose the path of healing and illumination. I hope I can continue on this path for myself, my family, and the world as a whole.
If you are in a place in your life where you feel you need a shift, remember, you don’t have to be born a certain way, you just need to start making the choices that will align with your path of healing. It’s never too late in life to start or start again!
Find the things that bring you peace. Whether it is a particular yoga class or teacher, a meditation course, retreats, time in the kitchen, reading, writing, or painting, seek out those things and make time for them. It’s not easy in our day to day to feel like we can add something else in. But it is essential! You must make time for you. It will change the trajectory of your life. The more time we spend in our parasympathetic nervous system (our relaxation side of our nervous system) the more it becomes a habit. We will default more to it, but it takes committed and dedicated practice. If we are constantly turned on in our sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) then that will be our default system. Change your habits. Change the way your mind actually works.
For some of us, we need more. I have worked with clinic psychotherapists, the full range of body and energy workers, psychics, and a multitude of other types healers. And I recommend them all. You owe it to yourself to see what works for you and who you might align with. Remember though, true healers are not trying to heal you. They are walking along side you as you learn to heal yourself. You have all of the answers within you, truly. Often we need the guidance of others to help us unveil what is blocking us from our truth, but you are the one who needs to do the work. And it is work. It will feel daunting, overwhelming, and some days you might want to give up. Please don’t. I promise you, it is all worth it. If you are called to healing it is because you have the capacity, the strength and the power to do the work.
And if you genuinely don’t know where to start, reach out. Talk to someone about their story and their journey. They may be able to recommend someone local to you can jump start your journey toward deeper peace. Send me an email. I am happy to refer the many resources I have used throughout the years, and continue to tap into.
Being at peace and ease and in a state of flow is our natural way of being. It is everything we pile up over lifetimes that gets in our way. Begin the journey of unpacking, cleaning house, opening windows and doors and shining your light into your life.
Even just writing this is healing for me and is a wonderful reminder to always come back to my true self. I hope you feel empowered to do that same. Find the class, the place, the people that help you feel light. You have the power to heal and to transform your entire existence. You just need to start.
Sending you so much love and light,
Loren