Make Your Home a Haven
“Is your home just another place of unmet expectations, to-do lists, and exhaustion? Or is your home a haven, the safest place on earth, a place to come back to, a place to heal, a place to create, a place to rest and simply be? You get to decide.”
~words by Myquillyn Smith
I read these words this week and it struck me. At first my reaction was, ‘Yes, of course me home is a haven!’ Then when I sat with it for a bit, I realized that I often make my home into a place of work as well. When it’s not ‘clean enough,’ ‘organized enough,’ or emotionally balanced, it really sets me off. That’s not how I want to feel at home.
So I started to think of ways I can make my home into more of a haven, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and creatively. Here’s what I have come up with:
Step 1: STOP! Stop rushing around through the day and take at least one moment to pause, alone, and in the quiet. Take a deep breath. There isn’t anything you can’t handle and extra sand on the floor from the kids, or your husbands work paper cluttering the kitchen table really doesn’t matter.
Step 2: GRATITUDE. There will be a day when the messy floors and your husbands things own’t be there and you wish they were. They are signs of a life well lived and a life well loved. Be grateful for each day that you have together. Life is messy and that is part of it’s magic and beauty.
Step 3: MAKE MORE TIME FOR YOURSELF. I am working on this one. My time at home is almost always with at least one of the kids. And when I have a sitter for Koa and Ayla is at school, I am booked with classes and massages. Both of which light me up and I wouldn’t change my ‘work’ at all. The problem is, I don’t make much if any time for myself outside of the house doing something I love. I haven’t taken a solo ocean swim or beach walk in years. I haven’t taken a yoga class where I can relax as a student that isn’t at my space (La Colectiva) in longer than I care to admit. I haven’t gone to the cafe to treat myself to a cortado and slice of carrot cake on my own, ever! Stay tuned on my progress, but these are things I am going to start booking into my weekly calendar, asking for help from my partner, and committing to more regularly. I hope you will start doing the same.
Step 4: GATHER. Gather your friends and close family more often, for a meal, a board game night, a bbq & pool afternoon, whatever it is. When we surround ourselves with loving community, it fills us up. If hosting stresses you out, ask someone else to host who thrives off of it. But make it a consistent thing. Once a week or once a month. We can’t do life alone. Surround yourself with those who love and support you.
Step 5: SAY NO. Give yourself permission to say no and to have healthy boundaries. This will come in different forms for all of us. You may need to say no to a social commitment that spreads your day too thin. You may need to say no to more activities for the kiddos so that they and you have time to decompress and enjoy a slower pace. It may mean being more discerning with your time answering the phone or checking social media. Creating healthy boundaries will help you from feeling like you are being pulled in too many directions. Reduce distractions and be more present for each moment.
If you haven’t noticed, these things so far don’t necessarily have to do with your home. They are things that we can shift in our daily lives so that when we land at home we do so with less stress built up that inevitably rears its head when you are in the safety of your home and family. Why not implement some of these things so that we can show up for our home life, family, pets with more energetic capacity and joy?
Don’t worry, I also thought about things that we can do inside the home as well to make it more of a haven.
DECLUTTER- For me, if my outside world is messy it’s hard for me to concentrate. One way I keep my home relatively organized is by having less stuff. I know it’s hard. Things accumulate quickly, especially with kids. And we will all have our own definitions and standards for what clutter is. Some will naturally gravitate towards minimalism. Others like to have more things around. Either way, you can still declutter. If you have “things” that you don’t want to get rid of, can you organize them in a way that helps your home feel more comfortable and calming? I already started a whole post just on decluttering! I hope you take a moment to read next week as well!
ADD GREEN- A house does not feel like a home without plants! A little life and fresh air added to the house makes a huge difference in how it feels.
MAKE YOUR BED- Not only is it a good habit to make your bed every morning. It sets the tone for the day, putting things together early, and when you come home it is one less thing that feels out of place. Beyond tucking in the sheets, invest in making your bed comfortable. Soft, soothing sheets. A fluffy comforter and duvet cover. Good quality pillows. A mattress pad or full upgrade of your mattress. You spend a good chunk of your time in bed (hopefully 8-9 hours) so make sure it is a place you can relax. Spray your pillow with lavender. Get an old-school clock for next to your bed so you can leave your phone in another room. Your bedroom should be a sanctuary.
SET THE MOOD- Fill your diffuser with a scent that feels like home to you. I love DoTerra® for their purity and ethical sourcing. Near the holidays I diffuse their Holiday Peace and for almost every other day, I am loving Endless Summer. Find your signature scent(s). It’s amazing how aromatherapy can effect our mood and energy. Put on tunes. Music will definitely effect your mood. I love chill house music, lofi sounds, binaural beats, and world folk music to keep the energy calm. Some nights we dance to Whitney Houston and Beyonce. Other days we are listening to, “I Am a Pizza’ and ‘Going on a Bear Hunt’. Invest in lighting. Too bright of lights, not enough light, over head lighting…all can make a room feel a bit too much like an office. Buy some nice floor or table lamps. Install dimmers. Let the light of the room match the energy of the day.
NOURISHMENT- Plan ahead with healthy, easy to grab snacks. Meal plan and prep when you can. Feed yourself and your family well. Eat your meals together. Make meal time and snacking a friendly, inspiring and nourishing part of every day.
WEEKLY CHECK-INS- Whether as a family, with your partner, your roommate, or even just on your own, check-in. What worked this week? What didn’t? How was your communication? Were everyone’s needs met? Do you feel loved, supported, and seen? Make the time to clear the energy of the week with open conversations. Don’t let frustrations carry on from week to week. If you are living solo, make time to journal and release at least once a week. And also make sure you express everything that you loved about the week and that you are grateful for.
CREATE- Let your home also be a creative space. To paint, dance, play, cook, and sing. Plant a garden. Build a book shelf. Make your home into a place where you can express yourself on many levels, to be joyful and free.
I am saying these things, not a as someone who has perfected the art, but as a human who needs the reminders as well. I write this for you as much as I write it for myself. We have the power to craft the lives we dream of living.
Let’s make our dream life our real life.
With love,
Loren